The Mighty Pause Button

I sit in the early hours of the day with that single page note in my mind and in my heart, knowing I'll reread the physical thing at some point, but in the meantime, I need to trust my memory, my feels, my intuitive knowing. As I sit with the memory and consider the words that were written, as I recall them, I settle on just a few, with one word - admittedly - difficult to decipher, but I’m confident of my decoding. I'm hit with a realization that those words were offered not as a request for communication as was implied, but rather, as the saying goes, with ill will.

Of this I feel a mighty certainty. Why? Because I already knew it.

When I place space between myself and others I do it either with their blessing, or I do it silently. When I do it silently, and others read their own trappings into that silence, the space, that has nothing to do with me. Know what I mean? When they choose to take their own trappings and turn them against the silence, the space, that's not my plight. It's theirs. They're conjuring their own... silence, their own space, their own stuff, not mine.

And I see how personal they’ve taken my silence, the space I chose to create when my mom passed. And it’s space. It’s malleable. I mean, I communicate with others within this space. But I digress. It’s a talent.

To not take things personal is a challenge, for sure. Yet it is a worthy cause, and one that can offer mighty Medicine. My mom and I had some lively discussions on this topic, as she pretty much took most everything personal. It seems a deeply rooted familial quirk. I still struggle with it. After all. I grew up in a very take-things-personal environment. Yet do my best, thanks to decades of the Work, to press my pause button when I feel those familiar jolts. I pause so I may digest, discern, possibly evolve ‘n’ heal, and - in the interpersonal realm - avoid reacting. From here I may respond from a place of solicitude, or stand mute. 

For now, this is where I rest, where I sit, where the Work will do what it does... what we do together.

Peace. 🕊