A Spark

This was the scene a year ago today. A farewell blessing to a physical space. A space that had 'n' held such amazing spirit. A space that transformed to pure verve... a verve that wafts in the ethers, a verve that is carried, still, in my heart, and in the hearts of others, a verve that keeps us connected.

I don't miss this physical space. What I do miss is the vibrant, light-filled spark that was born there of many an exchange, individual and collective... a spark rooted in relationship 'n' reciprocity, a spark that burns still. 

And I'm feeling grateful. So grateful.

Peace. 🕊

Arachnid 'n' Halley

 

I've been experiencing enormous comfort from these insistent rains, and in working in the officina (apothecary, if you prefer) these past couple/few days. Yesterday I was able to both harvest carrots and plant carrot seeds; a medicinal metaphor of meaning if ever there was one. Catching up on tasks 'n' communications that had been forfeited over the days prior, sorting through DPM (dry plant matter), especially the powders, to see what stays 'n' goes, making plans for students 'n' workshops all served to offer meaningful focus through which I was able to harmonize needed function with necessary sobbing. It's been a time of grieving, mourning, and healing, to say the least.

I'm still stunned at the expanse of this loss; the feeling in my chest - my heart - is palpable. Tears well up without warning, and fall like the rains. 

I've been working with Arachnid since Tuesday to hold my fractured heart open, yet together without breaking apart, as I grieve. She's woven a strapping 'n' silky-soft web around my heart, with the shattered pieces held open 'n' in place as I feel the feels that must be felt. When the time is ripe, she will assist me in mending the shards together with gold. 

I'm mightily blessed to Know and have relationship with Arachnid, a personal ally since the mid-1990s. Consciously, that is... I'm confident that the relationship is much, much older. She is, in my experience, never demanding. She shows up at will - her will - with unmistakable messages when I need them; I mean, you tell me that a spider bite on your butt doesn't speak with clarity. She responds without hesitation or judgement to my calls for support. She responded to my call to weave support around sweet Halley's backside on her final day with us. Between her loving fibers holding my heart - and me - together without falling hopelessly apart, and beloved Anubis holding Halley in her final day with us (more on that later), I feel grateful beyond grateful. 

It is a mighty comfort to have blessed Arachnid holding my heart, my life, my love, right now. I am beyond grateful for her blessings.

Peace. 🕊

Gods, I Loved Her.

I wake today to a space that is forever changed. It is void of a 70 pound loving presence that I shall infinitely miss. Yesterday, our beloved Halley Josephine moved from this realm to the big mystery. Gods, I loved her.

It all happened pretty fast. Which is a blessing. A month or two ago she began favoring her rear left leg. She was old, 14 years, and in being on the old trek myself, I chocked it up to years 'n' milage, and adjusted her medicinals. Despite her age, she always thought she was a puppy, and was filled with a cheekiness she'd express with dogged regularity. She'd jump like a lunatic when dinner was served al fresco, though not as high in recent days. She'd bark sass at her DaddyGuy when he didn't leash her up fast enough to get going on the walks she loved, be it around the neighborhood or around the little acre. In this vein, I could go on, and in saying that, there may well be more posts to honor her unselfish yet demanding spirit. Gods, I loved her.

About a week ago the favoring of the leg became more pronounced. She had jumped off the deck to run at and bark at a rabbit, so, again, I didn't make much of it, figuring it was a strain that would mend. Yet each day the favoring progressed. On the 3rd  of July I contacted a vet who specialized in at-home emergency and end of life care. She was out of state until the 6th, offered compassion, and options if we weren't able to hold out for the three days. So as the favoring and her hobble progressed, we did our best, as did she, to hold it together. I need to express that the fucking 4th of July bombing adorations didn't help any, and I was especially grateful for her passion flower 'n' chamomile CBD chews that night. We all went to bed early that evening, windows closed, fans running to muffle the loathsome explosions of neighbors near 'n' far. I spoke silently to Halley's spirit, prayed to Anubis 'n' others, as we all tossed 'n' turned with discomfort, occasionally switching on the soft light to see if she was trying to get up. Gods, I loved her.

The 6th came and with it a confirmation that Dr. Leah of Holistic Home Veterinary Services LLC was on her way. The waiting was pregnant with so many feelings, and in that time we did our best to comfort 'n' love our ol' girl. I can't even express depth 'n' width of my gratitude that we could do this at home, by her side, caressing her, whispering our love to her, with a vet of remarkable compassion. She was such a good girl. Gods, I loved her.

Today is hard. So hard. Overflowing with tears and gut wrenching sobs; smiles 'n' laughs, too. I'm nurturing the feelings, every one of them, for this little 70 pound bundle of attitude 'n' love gave us so much, and filled our little hut with more love than I realized. Gods, I loved her.

She will be missed beyond measure. Gods, I loved her. We both did. So, so much.

Peace. 🕊