My Big Case of Skin

I haven’t shared anything here for months. I’ve been spending less-n-less time online, so there's that.

Someone recently asked me why I wasn’t writing anymore. I told them that I write/journal/create every day. “Why don’t you share it like you used to?” they asked. That’s a question that’s been hovering around me for a long while. It’s even been mentioned here (I think). So my response was, “Don’t know.”

Since then, I’ve been sitting with this ponderance - not for the first time. When I make effort to give it attention I begin to see - again - the things of which I’m already aware. I’m still sitting with it, because I do have things I’d like to share, and I’m noticing some other potential factors. Like what? Well…

More recently I was chatting with a captivated beloved (we were in a vehicle to there-n-back-again) about a conflict with another friend. I landed in a summary that sounded like this…

”Sometimes my truth is too true for some folx.”

Knowing me, they laughed, and that was their commentary. Perfection. In the comforting quiet that followed I recognized that in this specific instance my truth was True, as close to black-n-white as it comes. As objective as it gets. Yet, the comforting quiet offered another truth that that’s not always the case.

It’s a big case, I thought, and laughed to myself, and spoke aloud…

“Might be part of why I’ve lost so many friends over the decades.”

Knowing me, they laughed, and - again - that was their commentary. More perfection.

So, yeah, sharing my truths, wee ‘n’ huge, can ruffle feathers… and sometimes shave away relationships. I typically leave the doors ‘n’ windows open for said relationships, and some folx wander back, each in their own way. Some just hang out there flapping in the breezes of life, others stubbornly dig into the void between us, and on rare occasions spread poison with others about our relationship, or lack of, which can sting, and when it does I just let the sting fade away. Which it does.

So sharing my truths with a wider audience of knowns-n-unknowns is, dare I say it, a little scary. It always has been. For me. Yet in days-n-decades past, it didn’t stall me, stop me, like it seems be doing now.

I’m older now. I’m a senior, as they say. And as we age our skin - physiologically - does thin, and I’m sitting here wondering if our mental ‘n’ emotional skin thins as well. Those stings, now, are felt differently. They’re more intense and don’t fade as easily. Might this be part of what prevents me from sharing? 

And then… my own comforting quiet asks, might it be Good Medicine for the thinning skin? 

And that’s where I leave this. For now. 

Thanks for indulging in my big case of skin.

🕊️