Yesterday, the first day of February, Imbolc ~ as beautiful and gentle as the start may have been ~ transformed into a day that challenged me.
Deeply.
In a way that surprised me.
And in a way that awakened me.
And challenged again.
After several months of not feeling a need to be vigilant in the daily management of negative energies, it would seem that I'd become … vulnerable to toxic verve.
I found myself feeling irritated over things that simply didn't matter to me.
I found myself taking external behaviors and expressions personally.
I found myself distracted, unfocused and out of balance as the day evolved.
In recognizing these things I found mySelf pressing the pause button.
The button is still engaged as I explore what I own in this scenario. I know it's easier and socially acceptable (and, dare I say, encouraged) in such situations, to blame the external catalyst, and carry that heavy condition with us to our graves. Yet, I'm choosing to own my response to the situation, the challenge. After all, I chose to feel irritation, to take things personal, and to allow myself to be derailed. For surely by owning my responses and feelings, by holding them close, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, I'll become so intimate with these bits of me that I'll be able to honor them and accept the gifts that they offer me. With gratitude. And I will be lighter for it. Plus, there's journaling involved.
It's a rather ominous experience, exploring this realm. All the same, it is a realm very familiar to me and it will be even more familiar before the day is out. Of this I am certain.
I realize this expression may not mean anything to anyone but me, but … there it is. And I feel more centered for it.
All the same, I invite you to push the pause button the next time you're knocked off your center.
Peace.
20 comments:
Very wise advice, Rose. After all, we are the loser all the while we are being annoyed by, disparaging or despising someone else.
That Pause button. I was reminded of the need for it this morning, when something online had me all wound up viscerally. Remembering I had that 'Pause' function let me break the feedback loop that had caught me so. The visceral aspect needs some unpacking down the line, I suspect. [ I'm tired of unpacking.]
"[...] surely by owning my responses and feelings, by holding them close, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, I'll become so intimate with these bits of me that I'll be able to honor them and accept the gifts that they offer me."
Reminds me of this, among other things Ani Pema has said: “…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
Dear Rose, I love your thoughts and words to Imbolc and your jounale page also. So much inspiration and a world of colors, just wonderful.
Greetings and hugs from Erika
My pause buttons come in bottles... no not booze!! I use Dr Bach flower remedies, which always rebalance me, and the selection process also make me really consider where I am, how I really feel and what else I can do about it to get back on track.
Jo
I have to do it all the time. But I forget way too often.
Ah yes, that pause button is a great thing when we leverage it and explore what is really challenging - the outside catalyst or ourselves.
So well said. I totally agree that we must own our feelings no matter what they are. I just love the way you remind us of the fine points in life. They are after all what makes it what it is.
That sounds wonderful! I need to learn how to press the pause button too!
Thank you for your sweet comment and support!
nice idea to have a pause button!
sweet February page~
We all need to press that pause button sometimes to get back some measure of control over our lives. Thank you for your visit and kind remarks on my scenic card. xx Maggie
"… perk up and lean in …"
I like that.
And *all* your lovely comments!
Thanks for the reminder that we do have a pause button. Enjoyed your post very much.
Beautiful writing. I like the pause button concept. I think we all need that reminder. I love your journal page.
This was a very moving post for me, Rose. I've been spending time reconnecting with my own energy in the past year after moving away from the awareness I had when I was younger (long story).
So this really resonates with me, as I focus on my own energy and the ways that I react to outside influences.
Thank you xxx
My button got pushed on Sunday, although it was not a pause button, and I have been ruminating ever since. Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one and and that I have the power to stop the madness even whilst ruminating. {{{hugs}}}
Thank you, Jane, and all of you ~ again ~ for your kind and encouraging comments. I appreciate them so much.
:)
"I found myself distracted, unfocused (snip) In recognizing these things I found mySelf pressing the pause button."
I've come to realize that this is what happens for me when i am in a state of overwhelm. I have to baby step through ritual components. Since comparison is often used as a diagnostic tool- it made me realize how much i have changed in intensity - how life has soften my ability to hone in unconditionally and in sharp contrast. It is what it is and will undoubtedly change again. lol.
THANKS for sharing !
xo
Such a good reminder. Thank you.
Love your February page.
I press the pause button often. You have expressed the situation that leads us to this place beautifully. Now, if I only could figure a way to add "worry" to this concept!
I love the Gingo leaves you used in your previous blog. Very earthy and unique.
Have a rich, earthy day
Cheryl, healing woman
Feel so much of courage and honesty in your writing! Great reading!
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