It was a challenging day for me. Mentally and emotionally. I woke knowing that challenge lay before me and I was open and ready. That which I saw coming I managed with as much grace as I could muster, but it was that which sideswiped me that rocked me to my foundation.
I must be stupendously dense, for I have somehow hurt an old friend. That, in and of itself hurts - a variety of hurt that is mine and that I own. My old friend has shunned me for a while now, yet I have done my part in attempting to maintain contact. Heck, I even asked what it was that I had done that warranted this distance she put between us. She responded a while back with a hint that I had blown her off one too many times. I apologized with the caveat that I was unaware of any specific blow-offs and even asked for specifics. Unknowing of specifics I asked for forgiveness and an opportunity to talk it out and make it right. The opportunity remained ... aloof. That's OK I reasoned. Healing takes time and I'm somewhat patient. Alas, today I received the oddest and most hurtful response to an invitation to a Yule party that could ever imagine. Frankly, without the experience I could never have imagined such a response as that which I received.
Apparently I'm a manipulative, repetitive, sweet-talking, guilt-mongering bully with selective memory. Well ... I sat quietly with this for a while and was assured that these abusive accusations belong not to me. Such is life.
All this on the heals of a loving exercise in futility in attempting to help my mom procure christmas gifts for family members that consumed more of my day than seems reasonable given the rather empty outcome.
Yet amid all the silly futility and hurt I took solace in rolling sweet balls of chocolately confection for sweeter friends with whom they will be shared and who love me - as I am - flaws and all. Thank you very much. And the sweet simplicity of this recipe offered me a solace that I both needed and deserved.
Let's just call these Solace Balls, shall we?
2 cups oatmeal (and then some)
1 cup sugar
1 cup butter
6 tablespoons of good cocoa (and then some)
water to moisten - if needed
~ and your choice of confectioners sugar, cocoa & sugar, cinnamon and sugar, instant coffee and sugar, etc in which to roll the balls.
Mix all ingredients together like a loving madwoman, shape into balls and roll in your choice of ... whatever - use your imagination! And I gotta tell ya - folks love these!
That's what I made today. Damn it.